Delicious Pain
by Janie Lust
Summary: AU! The pain of the flesh is nothing compared to the pain of the soul. Artemis lays in his bloodstained bed, thinking of the events of the past hours. ArtyxButler. Noncon, masochism, extreme angst.


**A/N: Hello, my kittens! It's the night before my Standardized Testing, and I can't sleep. So, in a sudden dark mood, I realized something; I have only seen one fic in which Artemis is raped, and it was an OMC, who was his teacher or something like that. But I've never seen a fic in which Butler hurts Artemis, in any way whatsoever. So, I thought, why not make one? It's very dark, as you will soon see. Hope you like it!**

**WARNINGS: THIS FIC INCLUDES NONCONSENSUAL SEX BETWEEN A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD AND A MUCH OLDER MAN, SELF-ABUSE, AND SLIGHT MASOCHISM. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything! I highly doubt that these characters would ever do anything of this sort in the real books. All characters belong to Eoin Colfer.**

_Your worst enemy will always be one of the few people you allow into your heart._

This was the thought that ran through Artemis Fowl's head over and over as he lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. His body felt numb, the dull pain in his rectum almost nonexistent.

_The pain of the flesh is nothing compared to the pain of the soul._

Another true statement. Though he should be sobbing uncontrollably from the pain of the rip on his anal walls, he could only stare at the ceiling, blood seeping from within him, mixing with the semen and staining the expensive Egyptian Cotton sheets while the void inside his heart grew bigger and bigger. Or perhaps that was because there were no more tears left in him.

_How could you hurt me so fiercely? So terribly?_

He closed his eyes, trying to block out the events of that day. _His_ face filled with shock and hurt at the boy's answer to his question. He had seemed so terribly sad; Artemis had almost wanted to take back his answer. But he knew that he had to be truthful in that instant. He could not lie about such a thing.

"_Artemis, do you love me?"_

"_Of course I do. You're like a brother to me."_

"_No…I mean…Do you Love me?"_

"_Oh...Why are you asking such a question?"_

"_Please, Artemis. Just answer me."_

"…_No."_

Artemis bit his lip, wishing he could stop himself from saying it so simply. So easily. Why did he not think of the other's feelings? Why didn't he realize it would lead to this? Even as he thought this, a smile spread across his bruised and swollen lips. It had not even been an hour and he was already blaming himself for what had happened. So victims really did blame themselves for their attacks. Amazing.

_How could you say you love me and do such a thing?_

He closed his eyes, allowing himself to remember what had happened. For the rest of the day, he had avoided _him_ as much as possible. He decided that time apart would give them both a while to think over their feelings. Then perhaps, in a few days, when they had both had time to think, they could discuss where they both stood.

_Your heart is made of stone._

But his plan hadn't exactly gone as he had hoped. That night, as he was undressing, he heard the door open behind him. He hadn't bothered turning. He knew who it was. Artemis smiled bitterly, remembering how he had felt so calm in that moment.

"_Hello Butler. Is something wrong?"_

"…"

"_Please, old friend. Don't be this way. I'm sorry for what happened earlier…I was only being truthful."_

"_I know, Artemis…Which is why I hope you will be able to forgive me."_

"_Forgive you? For what?...Butler…What are you doing? Wait! Stop!"_

Artemis let out a soft sigh, closing his eyes. He had been easily overpowered by the elder, stronger man. He was already half-naked, so all that was needed was to remove his silk night-pants, which now lay in shreds on the floor. They were rather expensive…Perhaps _he_ would have the decency to at least pay for them. But then again, he had proven he had no decency only an hour before.

"_Butler! Stop it!" Artemis cried, tears streaming down his cheeks as he fought against his protector, who was holding both the boy's arms above his head as he fumbled with his belt._

"_Stop struggling." He whispered, and Artemis heard the guilt that was already building inside the other. He actually did stop struggling for a moment. But then Butler finally managed to drop his pants._

"_HELP!" Artemis screamed, sobbing uncontrollably as he kicking desperately against the other. "SOMEBODY….HELP ME!" Though, even as he screamed, he knew it was no good. Mother and Father were in Tahiti, and Juliet was in Spain. He was alone, with the man who was supposed to protect him, about to hurt him worse than anyone ever had._

"_No…" He whimpered, letting out another loud cry as he felt a large, lubricated finger pushing roughly inside him. "No…no…no…Please…Don't do this...Please, Butler…"_

"_I'm sorry…" Butler whispered, and for a moment, Artemis believed him. But then he the man plunged inside him, forcing their lips together as he did so. Although Butler had prepared him as best he could, he was still far too large for the boy's virgin entrance, and split him almost immediately._

_Artemis screamed against the man's lips. Though it was only a small tear, it felt like he was being ripped in two. He continued screaming until his throat was too sore to make a noise. But that was still long before his protector was finished with him._

Artemis felt tears welling in his eyes. So perhaps they weren't all gone after all. Of course, he should have known that he could not completely run out of tears. Not until he was too dehydrated to produce the salty fluid. And though his throat was dry and aching, he doubted he was quite that dehydrated.

_It's your job to protect me from this sort of thing._

Artemis opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling once more. He suddenly had an over powering urge to take a knife and slice his arm a few times. The pain in his rectum was beginning to fade, even if he knew it would not leave completely until it had fully healed. He didn't know why, but he wanted to feel more pain. He didn't want to think of his soul breaking. He wanted to stop thinking of how terrible it had felt, knowing that the man who had raped him was the one he trusted most of all.

As he had begun to ponder this, he heard the door open. He didn't look away from the ceiling. He couldn't bear to look at his protector. Perhaps he would never be able to. He heard the sloshing of water in a bowl, and smiled weakly. Butler's caring demeanor was still in tact, even if he had just destroyed his young charge, both in body and in mind.

Butler walked over to the bed, sitting down beside it. After a moment, Artemis felt a warm, wet cloth moving between his thighs, cleaning the dried blood and semen from them. Artemis flinched at first, but then lay still, allowing the man to wash him.

They both remained silent for a while, the room completely quiet except for the soft splashing of the water every time Butler dipped the cloth into the water. It took around half an hour to completely clean the boy's legs, and when he was finished he cleaned away the dried tears on the boy's face.

"Is there anything else you need, Artemis?" He asked softly.

Artemis looked at him for the first time, his eyes grey and emotionless. He was silent for several moments, then finally answered.

"A knife." He whispered.

Butler stared down at him, and sighed. "I suppose I don't have a choice." He whispered. "Very well…I'll bring you a knife." He turned, and walked out of the room.

Artemis looked back at the ceiling, a genuine smile spreading across his face at the thought of being able to control his own pain. To feel the pain on the outside, rather than on the inside. What a spectacular thought.

Butler returned soon after, holding a long, sharp bread-knife. Artemis sat up, smirking as he gazed at the sharp teeth of the blade, which glinted in the light from the candle on the nightstand.

Artemis took the knife eagerly, immediately slicing into his arm. He ensured he did not hit one of the major veins, closing his eyes and sighing softly as he felt the blood seeping from the deep wound.

Butler gazed down at the boy, his eyes filled with the same pain that had been there when Artemis had said he didn't love him. He watched the boy tilt his head back, making another deep cut with the knife and smiling dangerously. He sighed softly, and turned to leave.

Artemis opened his eyes, looking down at his wound. The pain felt good…Incredibly good. But it still wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. He looked up as he saw the man leaving. "Butler!" He said hurriedly. "Wait."

Butler turned in surprise, looking down at the boy. "Yes, Artemis?" He asked softly. "Is there something else you need?"

Artemis stared up at him, a strange expression on his face. Something between innocent curiosity and need. "You raped me." He whispered.

Butler sighed softly, nodding. "Yes." He whispered. "I did."

"Do you regret it?"

The man thought about this for a moment. "I regret hurting you…But no, I don't regret the act itself."

Artemis stared up at him. "Butler?"

"Yes, Artemis?"

"Do it again."

**A/N: I know, I know. It's terrible. I promise you; I will never write ArtyxButler Non-Con ever again. Perhaps Butler beating the shit out of someone for raping Artemis, but I don't like having Butler hurt Arty. It's just…not him. Even so, I wanted to try this out. Please let me know what you think. Until next time, my Kittens.**


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